put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
organizing the empties. That sober.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
