I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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