he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
