Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
