Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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