i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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