who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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