I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize