Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
