the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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