So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
