It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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