We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
