I met the friendliest cop last night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
