Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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