you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
