if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize