How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
