After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
where are my eyebrows?
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