We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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