hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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