I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
