I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
