my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
