That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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