you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
