is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
