I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
the liver wants what the liver wants
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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