i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
