I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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