I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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