Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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