Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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