This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
