I got chris browned last night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
