So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
