If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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