I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
