I can text with my tongue
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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