I want to stick my p in your. b.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize