if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
