Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
