gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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