we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
