I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
