just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's blow job season.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
