so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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