I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
