Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Be still, my beating vagina.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
