I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
