i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I came so hard my ears popped.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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