If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
