If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
