her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize