cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
