Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
