He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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