you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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