I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize