He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
