I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
