He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
