I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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