You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
