why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
