the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
