Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
