end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
