all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In other news, I just burned my penis
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
