so that wasnt chicken after all
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
