My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
