I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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