Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
