my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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