TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i drank out of a bidet.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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