Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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