There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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