i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
