I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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