Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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