We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
