Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
