apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
