i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude i'm inner monologue high
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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