Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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