I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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