Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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