brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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