it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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