I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
They have beer where we have blood.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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