Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
