Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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