My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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