Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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