So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
