I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
