i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize