They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
