You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
