3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
